Hey Heather, this week I am commenting on your google site and Introduction. I chose to read your because of your title CSI! I think it does a great job capturing the attention of your readers. So your coverage is marvelous! I love how the Ramayana and other characters are portrayed as these heroic figures. The image was a great touch to your heroic introduction story. I also like your background you chose for this webpage. I feel like I am reading a journal/ diary and it works well for your story. Overall I am impressed by your coverage.
On to the introduction, I like how you have covered your crime solver in mystery. I am not sure if you did this intentionally and maybe we will find out later exactly who is writing this journal. We know it is one of Bhima’s brothers, but who? So much tension building. Throughout your introduction we have this sense of need to find out who the bad guys are. I think this was a wise move by you to make it a good guy & bad guy setup because that is essentially the true Indian Epics we have read. You have intrigued me to come back and read. I am interested in what crimes scenes you have to write about and who will be involved. I hope you find the murderer!!!
Heather, your introduction was so intense! It definitely took a different twist than I anticipated when I read CSI in the title. But I was not disappointed! Your cover page was really cool too. It reminded me of the justice league but an Indian epic version. I liked how you kept the person writing the story a mystery. It kept me thinking who Bhima's brother was. The way you introduced the theme of your storybook was flawless. As a reader, I see that you're going to tell a story about Drona and Karna. I'm wondering how you will portray them! But to find out I will be back to read more! The fact that you designed your story book as a murder mystery captured my attention. I was always a huge fan of CSI and murder mysteries. Now you got me thinking, who is this murderer? I can't look away now!
As a huge crime show fan (currently fan-girling over Dexter!), I was very intrigued to read your introduction after seeing the title page! I love how you conveyed the narrator as a good guy from the very first page by choosing the superhero graphic as your image. Also, I very much admire your creativity and dedication to make that! Wow! My paint skills are limited to straight lines and the little bucket button, haha!
Your introduction page was absolutely incredible. You used pathos incredibly effectively in a myriad of forms: suspense, anger, family bonds, curiosity, etc. By choosing to identify your narrator as one of the Pandava brothers, the reader has a baseline characterization but is left wondering which one it will end up being. Obviously whichever one it is brings a new dimension to their motives and thoughts! I love that your are saving the mystery of that to be revealed!
I am excited to see how you interpret the stories into crime scenes and how you connect the different clues together to identify the murderer (why did he/she leave the Ramayana?!?). From this first entry, I think that your page is about to be as binge-worthy as the best crime shows! :)
Great theme on your storybook Heather! I think the design really fits, and the writing style is excellent. It's a little difficult to read sometimes, when the lined paper interacts with the words just right, but overall it looks good. I've never really watched CSI, but I've always been a huge Sherlock fan, so I'm looking forward to reading more of your storybook! I find it really interesting you chose to center on Bhishma's murder in your storybook, especially because that's a great way to tie everything together but also have the opportunity to tell multiple different stories while keeping everything on track. The single copy of the Ramayana makes me really, really curious as to what happened! Definitely bookmarking your blog to see what happens. I think a couple sentences here and there need checking out, just for general flow, but overall I didn't notice any mistakes. Well done!
First of all, your cover picture for the storybook is amazing. I love the picture of all the heroes from the Indian epics, it looks really cool and makes me want to read the actual content even more. I really love the way you set up this story so far, it's very clever to make it in the form of a journal or diary for the main character to add new experiences to every week. I thought your choice of dialogue was really clean and easy to follow. I like the tone of the writing for the journal and how it starts with "If you're reading this then I'm already dead". That really piques the reader's interest and makes them want to figure out more of what's going on. It will be interesting to see what types of villains and bad guys appear throughout this series and how the main character will deal with them. Great job so far, I can't wait to read more!
WOW. What a start to what I can only imagine is going to be a fantastic piece of work. This had me drawn in from just the title and I can’t wait to keep reading. I love that you are writing in second person to make the reader become immediately feel involved. Starting out with a journal giving mysterious instructions was a perfect way to start the Storybook. There are so many different ways you can take this and I am so interested to see how this is going to continue and where you are going to take the readers, I think I might just bookmark this Storybook to come back to later. I literally just sat here and tried to think of anything I would change, but I have got nothing to suggest. Everything looks incredible and of high quality. Keep up the good work with your blog and Storybook!
I just opened your Storybook site and I really like it so far. The image you found for the cover page is really dynamic and interesting to look at. I feel like it definitely sets the mood for the crime-drama atmosphere that you seem to be aiming for. It kind of makes the characters seem like a super hero squad about to lay down some justice!
Your introduction is really great. It pulled me in from the very beginning and will definitely be something I return to read. The use of the diary makes the setup for the stories you're including to be intriguing and applicable to the overall project. I also like how it is inviting the reader into the story and become and active part in the investigation, rather than having it set up as a re-telling of events. It's also interesting to me because the time period and setting isn't exactly defined yet, so I feel like that allows for more imagination on the part of the reader. Overall, I think you're doing fantastically! Good luck with the rest!
Heather, you truly have a gift for creative writing! I loved the picture on your comment wall for this class! Pokemon cracks me up and that picture was perfect! Your introduction for your storybook site started off very strong. It had me hooked from the very beginning. The fact that the person is reading a diary laying out all of the details of the mysteries and crimes makes for a very intense reading. Also, it was a nice touch to make your background look like notebook paper to get the whole diary/journal feel. The fact that there is also a personal tie for the author to find their grandfather’s killer is very emotional and powerful for the reader. I cannot wait any longer to read the stories that you are going to include on your site! I think you are a fantastic writer and I cannot wait to see what stories you end up using to finish your storybook!
I have looked at your homepage and your introduction. I have to say that I am loving your story so far. I think that the homepage is great. I love the picture and also the title of your storybook is definitely interesting. After reading the introduction, I am anxious to read more. I think the background and picture fit perfectly into what you are wanting your storybook to be. I like the diary idea. It will let us get to know the writer personally by seeing what he was writing. I like the concept of having him solve crimes and continuing to work on solving his grandfather's murder. I also really like the ominous line at the beginning. The "If you are reading this it means I am dead". I am definitely going to be coming back to your story so I can figure out who the killer is and what happened.
Heather, Oh my goodness! I am supposed to be commenting on your storybook page but I can't help but tell you that your layout for your comment wall is rad as heck! Ahem, now.... I chose your page as one of my free choices simply because of the title. I really love suspenseful crime shows so it was in immediate choice for me. And I'm really glad I did because it shows you really put a lot of thought into your central theme as well as the design and layout to your page. It is very very clever! The image you used that appears when you first enter the site is very cool as well. I was anticipating you kind of making it follow a long the lines of an actual CSI episode but I like the direction you went with this. The first like was very enigmatic and makes the reader want to keep reading which is a good thing. I can't wait to see how this turns out and I'll keep coming back to check out your progress. Great job!
Heather, I came back to read about Drona's death! Your format was really cool! I liked that you formatted the story as a CSI report. It refreshed my memory of the setting and plot of the original story. I remember reading how the elephant was named after Drona's son and how someone killed the elephant in order to trick Drona into thinking that his son was dead. I felt sad that the elephant died. Couldn't they figure out another way to deceive Drona? Moving on, I also appreciate how you solved the mystery. You linked the powerful weapon to the murderer. It's the tiny details in homicide cases that really reveal who is the person responsible. Also, thank you for making a clear and concise author's note! It explained the original story and why you chose to re-format the epic. What is the next case for the Indian CSI! I have to read more!
Hi Heather. I remember reading your storybook before because the title caught my attention a few weeks back. I really like your storybook because I CSI is a good theme for your storybook. This topic really interests me because I enjoy watching the show as well. I like the layout of the page and I can tell you put a lot of thinking into putting it together. I also like the pictures you used especially the one of your own hand; this makes the story more realistic. I can't wait to read more as the weeks progress. Great job!
With regards to the introduction: I really enjoyed the introduction, it really draws the reader in because of my background with the stories I cannot wait to see how exactly accomplish what I think is your plan. I did not see any errors with regards to grammar or sentence structure. I particularly liked the paragraph breakup because it paced the reader well while reading. I was a bit confused why a journal was found at a library especially given how recent the story seems to make it, but it is not hard to overlook it.
With regards to the story: This is much better than I was anticipating. I like the structure of the report; I may have moved more of the story to the earlier questions so that there was not so much to read towards the end of the story. I also like the picture it adds a nice touch to the story.
Hi Heather! I really like your storybook so far. The introduction is incredibly compelling and it's such a creative and original idea for a story. I really like how you place the reader directly into the action. The format for your storybook is great: very clean and easy to follow, and it helps add to the illusion of reading a journal. I also want to point out that you did an excellent job proofreading, I know in a lot of stories, including my own, little errors or typos slip by sometimes, but I didn't see anything to correct in your story. I really like the format you used in the story for Drona's death. Adding the forensic details to the beginning of the story was a really nice touch and it was great seeing how these supernatural myths can be looked at through a contemporary investigative lens. Overall, I think this is maybe my favorite storybook I've read through, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
Heather! What's up?! I am doing my extra project comment also. After I read your comment, I wanted to come read your story.
First of all, the concept with CSI is very cool. The layout of your site goes really nicely with the diary style of your storytelling. So good job on picking this design. The coverpage image sets up the stories beautifully.
The introduction is very nicely written as it tells us the background information along with what we are going to expect in the stories. Didn't find a single error in the intro, which is awesome since I make so many in my stories.
Now to the story. WOW Heather! What a beautifully written story. I loved how you combined Indian epics with CSI. The style you wrote it in was very nice. The image did an excellent job in showing us how Draupada got caught. I didn't find any error in the story either. Bravo!
Great job Heather. I will definitely come back to read your other stories.
Heather! I was excited when I saw your Storybook in my group! I remember reading your introduction and I was blown away by that one page. Now that I have the chance to come back and read the stories, I am still in awe. My roommates and I love to watch shows like Bones and CSI. This Storybook really reminds me of those shows. It could easily become its on TV show.
I can tell that you really paid attention to the details when writing your stories. The way you wrote them and described the deaths shows that you studied the stories to find those facts. Also, you have written some great Author's Notes. They explain what you were doing with the stories. Your website format is impeccable for the type of story you are writing. I look forward to what you are planning on for the rest of the Storybook!
This is a very interesting concept. The format of your introduction is good. The language that you use does a good job of replicating the tone of a lone detective. One problem I see in your introduction is in the first paragraph. You say, “You go to pick it up and turn it into the librarian.” The order of the words makes it sounds like the person has already turned the book in. Maybe say instead, “You pick it up to turn it into the librarian.” Also, it would be nice to provide a little more context for the situation. Why am I in the National Archives? Also, make sure to capitalize “National Archives” in your story. In your first story, about Drona’s death, I like how you first present the evidence and then give a report. You mention that Drona died on the “15th day of the Mahabharata war.” The name of this war is the Kurukshetra War, if you want to be more specific. Good job on your storybook so far.
I was very intrigued by your story concept. The set up was also really interesting. I didn't really like the background at first. I think I understand what you were going for. The notepad makes it look like they are taking notes, but at first I did not like it. But the background yellow is an easy color to read the black writing on, which is good. Also the font was a good size, so I didn't have to adjust the size of my screen at all. I liked the way that you told the story. I would maybe change the font and make it bold though so it isn't as thin. The picture was good addition to your story. I like that you presented the evidence and then told the story in the report. I am excited to see what else you add to your story. I will definitely back to read more! Maybe work on making your font bold. Great job though!
I had already read your introduction, so this week I read your first story, Death of Drona. I really like how you set up the story by using a crime report. The detail in the beginning of the story really made it feel like a real document of the murder. I think that the narrative also helped in setting the scene. I was able to follow the story easily and I liked how descriptive it was. I also liked how you stuck with the original story but had the detective be able to hear that he said elephant even though he still tried to cover that fact up. I also think that you did a good job on the author's note. It was well written and reminded me of how the original story went and let me know the changes that you made to the story for it to work with your storybook. Overall, I really do like your storybook so far.
Hi Heather, I am commenting in regards to your storybook- CSI Indian Epics. I chose your storybook to read because of the title you gave for this project. It is very catchy, good job on it. I love watching CSI shows like Criminal Minds and I was hoping to read something exciting when I got to your page, you definitely did not disappoint me. I like your webpage and how you laid it out. It looks like an actual diary and matches your theme well. I got hooked when you mentioned that the owner of the diary is Bhisma’s son and he got in to the investigation business because he wants to find out who killed his grandfather. Your topic was creative. What made you want to narrate the storybook in a CSI setting?. I am so eager to read rest of your stories, Good luck on your project .
Hey Heather! Hope you're doing well. I am back on your comment wall because I wanted to read the other story that you added for my extra project feedback assignment.
Again, the layout and the background compliment the style of your story. The coverpage and the introduction both look great.
The second story looks really good as well, and it is written in the same style as the first one. So good job on keeping the same tone throughout. I still cannot believe how beautifully written this story is also. The way you brought Indian Myth and CSI together is amazing. Great job on bringing all the characters together and using them to reach the conclusion. The image was really good and it went really well with the story. An error I found was on the second to last paragraph, I think you meant by instead of "my". That is the only error I found in the whole story.
Again, excellent job! I will definitely come back to read the other story that you add.
Your storybook is one of my faves so I'm back to comment again. I really like the layout and background of your story as it suites the subject well. the coverage and the picture looks great and the introduction was well written. I enjoyed reading the second story as well. You kept the same structure for the story as you did for the introduction. I really like how you included the CSI aspect with this story. Overall, I think you did a great job. I will be looking forward to reading more of your storybook in the future.
Woah, Heather, your storybook has really grown since the last time I visited! This week I read the Death of Drona, and I was pleasantly surprised to read how well you put together the case. The way the main character went around to test who might have killed Drona and the elephant was brilliant. High fives until someone cracks! As far as your writing, I think it fits the investigatory style really well. The flow is a little choppy, but it makes sense since it's being presented as a report, and less as a story. I appreciate how Yudhisthira tried to pull the wool over the investigator's eyes, but since his original idea was a little weak, the investigator sees right through it. Overall, I really love how you're tying everything together and making it like a real crime investigation. I also learned more about the epics and rules of war that I didn't know about before reading your story, which was a great take away! Well done!
Hey Heather, your storybook project is awesome! I love the CSI theme and I think your storybook has really developed well since I last saw it. I think the layout and background is really great and relevant to your storybook. All the images you have included are great too! Your writing is great and I have not seen any spelling errors. I was very hooked on your readings and I will definitely be back for more.
First off, your picture is flat out epic! I love how you added the correct font to the image to make it fit even more! For a second, I thought there was a legit CSI Indian show. I'm really interested to learn more about the person reading the book. I clicked on the storybook without realizing it was yours. I've read a bunch of your posts over the semester. I am glad I decided to read your storybook today. I was intrigued by the style of the posts. You brought in some great detail into the post. One question I had was are the murders recent in the time frame of the person who wrote the book? Is this suppose to be a modern take because you said bomb squad so that wouldn't be back when they actually took place. I was trying to figure out when they actually happened.
I am really impressed at your storybook. Everything about adds to your theme – your background, images, and style. I like how your modernized your storybook by doing a CSI theme. It makes the story a little more relatable and easier to understand. Ancient stories can be hard to absorb so by modernizing it makes it a little easier to understand.
Your style of writing was really clear and concise. I liked how you formatted into a questionnaire to fit into your investigation/csi style. I also like how you chose to write the story in multiple point of views. It allows the reader to get idea of how each individual felt during the fight. It left me wanting to read more.
Your story ran really smoothly. The break between each of your paragraphs made sense. I did not notice any grammar or punctuation errors. Good job! I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hi Heather! I came back to your story book again because I really liked the first one that I read. I still love your theme for the whole story. CSI is a great story to work with. I still don't love the background but that's ok it works for you! I read about the death of Karna this time. This is such a great story and I think you did a really good job with it. I explored this story too and there is a lot to work with. I liked your font size. I did not have to adjust any setting on my computer to read your story. I did not see any grammar or spelling problems. I also thought the flow of your story was really great. Very easy to read. Great job again! I have really enjoyed reading two stories in your story book. I will definitely read more!
Since I am returning to your storybook, I read your second story, Death of Karna. I really enjoy how you incorporated this story to fit with your theme. I did not see any spelling or grammar errors so I think you did pretty well on that. I think that this story fit well with your storybook and I still really like how you have it set up like a crime record with the details on the top of the page really adding to the overall story. I like how you also have the narrative and dialogue that helps to really show what happened and people's reactions to the events. Your author's note was well written and it helped to see why you told the story the way that you did. I really like how you ended your author's note with a little hint of what is to come in the other stories. I will have to see how it ends.
Well done story. I think that the spacing for the story is well done. The transitions are all good and flowed well from one paragraph to another. Your picture represents the story well and the link works. I think that the question, “which injuries are significant” could further be explored and perhaps detailed more. I think that the investigation idea is great, but this story is challenging because it is not much of a mystery who kills who nor is it necessarily a crime. I think your accomplished your goal to tell the story from the two characters perspectives was achieved. I was able to understand Arjun’s emotions as well as see the battle from the viewpoint of Duryodhana. I agree the lore behind the stories is almost as important as the stories themselves. The curses that you place into your story really add depth that would otherwise be lost. I also like the closing to your story it encourages future reading.
Hi Heather! When looking at portfolios and storybooks to chose to read this week, I was instantly drawn to yours because of the title. I am a huge CSI fan! I could seriously sit and binge watch it for hours and hours and never get bored. I love really any show like this, so I figured i would love your storybook. I was right! I loved the introduction. You really captured my attention and if I didn't already want to read the rest of the storybook, I definitely did after the introduction. What a clever idea! I have to say I'm a little jealous I did not think of it. Seeing how your project came together made me wish I had taken a little more time to pull a storybook idea together instead of just going with a portfolio. I am not nearly as creative as you seem to be! You seem like an experienced writer as I could not find any errors and you did such a good job keeping my attention on the story. I also have to compliment you on your background and format of the storybook. I have no idea how you did that, but it looks great! I am not so great with technology, so my blog is definitely lacking in the background department. Yours go perfectly with your theme! Overall, I am super impressed wih your storybook, and I look forward to coming back and reading the rest of your stories next week! Great work!
Hey Heather! So I'm back! I decided to revisit your project since that was what the assignment this week called for. Previously I had read your introduction and I liked it! It was very intriguing. Did I also mention your cover photo is super rad? Because it is. Well this week I read your first story, "The Death of Drona". I must point out that I enjoyed the format that you used to tell your story It makes it unique because it really brings to life you CSI theme that you were going for. The way that you made the first half of the story the questions and details that we as the reader would kind of follow to start brainstorming clues was cool. I mean we already know the outcome but it's fun none the less to solve the mystery, you could say. I think this is progressing beautifully and really hope to read more from you. Great job and good luck with the rest of you endeavors!
Hi Heather! like I've said before, I really like the whole CSI theme you have for your story book. I also really like the yellow notepad background you have and I think it fits perfectly with your story book. I read your most recent story and thought you did a great job with it. It was well written and flowed easily. I like how you seperated the paragraphs and I thought it was easy to read and follow along. Your storybook is probably one of my favorites. Your idea for this storybook is ver creative. Overall I think you did a great job! I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hi Heather, I wanted to tell you that I have enjoyed reading your stories and keeping up with you blog. Often, I would be paired with you and I have really enjoyed this semester. I hope everything is going good for you as this storm is hopefully starting to die down a little bit. Best of luck for the rest of the semester.
Hey Heather, I don’t know how, but this is the first time I have visited your storybook, and I’m very glad I did. I’m not sure how I never stumbled across it throughout the course of the semester, because I definitely would have voted for this as one of the class favorites. Since it was my first time, I only read the introduction, but it definitely blew me away. It was the name that originally drew me to the storybook. I really like how you add that modern twist, and the tv even fits perfectly with what your story is going to be about. The layout of your storybook is awesome as well. The picture on the home page is perfect. Also, I really liked how you used the yellow notebook paper as the background for the stories. Since it’s a diary, it fits perfectly with the jotting and scribbling that I imagine would take place when investigating a crime scene. Awesome job!
Hi, Heather! I cannot believe I have not seen your project this semester! This was such an interesting and creative storybook style. Your writing style is honestly gorgeous and I am so impressed with your introduction. The strategy of making the introduction a journal entry followed by the information on the different crimes was genius. The only problem I had with the story is that I did not find it earlier, so I could not follow it throughout the semester! The photos you chose were also perfect for the story and I love your layout. The notebook style works great with your crime/CSI notebook type thing and your writing style fit perfectly. I went ahead and also read the story on the death of Karna because he is one of my favorites and the way you laid out the crime report was awesome. It seemed truly authentic and I think you modernized it effectively. Well done!
This was such a great concept to work off of! I never got assigned to read your storybook, but when we had to vote last week on our favorites and we had a chance to browse the work of other students, I had the fortune of coming across your work. I like how you have your layout like a legal notepad. It gave me the impression that I was looking at case notes. I also liked how you listed the statistics of each of the characters you decided to focus on, in a way that’s also like a case. You recount each scene in grisly details it feels like I’m stumbling on to the crime scene. I like that in the story of, “The Death of Drona,” you included a photo of the injury in real life. It really sells the suspension of disbelief and gives you a sense of the mortality of some of these mythical characters.
This was possibly the best idea for a storybook I found for the Indian Epics class this semester. That was so clever of you to use CSI as the background concept for these stories because it gives you tons of material to work off of and you don’t have to continue one long story on for the whole semester since every episode is about a new crime scene with a new plot and motive. I read the introduction at the beginning of the semester and thought you had something really great being developed, and now looking at the final product I can tell you did a very good job with this. The stories were all very well written and I like how all of the facts are quickly presented in a report-like style at the beginning, following a longer paragraph-style story that provides the reader with all of the necessary details. Well done, you did an excellent job on your storybook!
Great job on your storybook! I think that your idea was excellent. I am looking at the Death of Bhishma story. I like how it wasn’t just death by arrows but rather death by a plethora of arrows and all these arrows covered his body, literally covered. I think that you did a good job interviewing the characters present in order to get different looks at the “murder.” I like the longer paragraphs because it feels more like a report rather than a story, which I think was your intended effect. How awful would it be for a grandson to work on the murder scene of his grandfather? I like the updated portion that your added to this story because it felt like an ongoing investigation. I think it is just my OCD, but I would have liked it if the back ground lined up with the lines from your story. I really liked your storybook good work!
Hey Heather! Getting down to the last stretch of the semester and yours was one of my most memorable projects I've visited so here I am again! Previously I had read your introduction and a couple chapters after that and I really enjoyed it! It was very intriguing. Did I also mention I still think your cover photo is super rad? Because it is. Overall your concept for this project was outstanding and really creative.Is it bad that I would play the CSI theme song in my head when I started to read this? How embarrassing! Ha! The chapters flowed beautifully and it was very clear and easy to grasp. I agree with the above comment by Zach though. The lines not lining up to the text was just a small little peeve on my behalf but I'm just a weirdo. I think ended up being such a great storybook project and I salute you! Great job and good luck with the rest of your finals!
Hey Heather! First off I just wanted to say great story and congratulations on making to the favorites list. Your site matches your topic perfectly. Your picture introduction was awesome. It reminded of the just league. I read the death of krishna. Your story was great. I liked how you started the reading with a basic description of krishna and where he died.It made it seem like a real episode of CSI and Law and Order. Another part of your story that I liked was that your inner monologue between the character and his self and the character and Duryodhana kept the tone of the story. It was like actual interview between a detective and a witness or victim. Just to sum it up your story was great because the way you approached your topic and how you stayed on track on it. Anyways great story, it as a pleasure to read.
Hi Heather! I think this is my first time visiting your Storybook! Congrats on getting nominated for one of the favorite Storybooks- I can definitely see why. The layout and theme of your Storybook is perfect! And that image on the cover page of the Storybook website- just superb! I like how you made the Introduction a diary entry. It was very clear and descriptive as to where you are going with your Storybook. I read the story about the Death of Drona. I loved the way your stories are outlined as an actual CSI case- very descriptive and detailed, with a touch of mystery as well. If there is anything I can suggest adding, it would be dialogue, if it’s possible! Good job on your Storybook so far! I hope to be able to read some more of your work. Keep it up!
Hey Heather, this week I am commenting on your google site and Introduction. I chose to read your because of your title CSI! I think it does a great job capturing the attention of your readers. So your coverage is marvelous! I love how the Ramayana and other characters are portrayed as these heroic figures. The image was a great touch to your heroic introduction story. I also like your background you chose for this webpage. I feel like I am reading a journal/ diary and it works well for your story. Overall I am impressed by your coverage.
ReplyDeleteOn to the introduction, I like how you have covered your crime solver in mystery. I am not sure if you did this intentionally and maybe we will find out later exactly who is writing this journal. We know it is one of Bhima’s brothers, but who? So much tension building. Throughout your introduction we have this sense of need to find out who the bad guys are. I think this was a wise move by you to make it a good guy & bad guy setup because that is essentially the true Indian Epics we have read. You have intrigued me to come back and read. I am interested in what crimes scenes you have to write about and who will be involved. I hope you find the murderer!!!
Heather, your introduction was so intense! It definitely took a different twist than I anticipated when I read CSI in the title. But I was not disappointed! Your cover page was really cool too. It reminded me of the justice league but an Indian epic version. I liked how you kept the person writing the story a mystery. It kept me thinking who Bhima's brother was. The way you introduced the theme of your storybook was flawless. As a reader, I see that you're going to tell a story about Drona and Karna. I'm wondering how you will portray them! But to find out I will be back to read more! The fact that you designed your story book as a murder mystery captured my attention. I was always a huge fan of CSI and murder mysteries. Now you got me thinking, who is this murderer? I can't look away now!
ReplyDeleteHi, Heather!
ReplyDeleteAs a huge crime show fan (currently fan-girling over Dexter!), I was very intrigued to read your introduction after seeing the title page! I love how you conveyed the narrator as a good guy from the very first page by choosing the superhero graphic as your image. Also, I very much admire your creativity and dedication to make that! Wow! My paint skills are limited to straight lines and the little bucket button, haha!
Your introduction page was absolutely incredible. You used pathos incredibly effectively in a myriad of forms: suspense, anger, family bonds, curiosity, etc. By choosing to identify your narrator as one of the Pandava brothers, the reader has a baseline characterization but is left wondering which one it will end up being. Obviously whichever one it is brings a new dimension to their motives and thoughts! I love that your are saving the mystery of that to be revealed!
I am excited to see how you interpret the stories into crime scenes and how you connect the different clues together to identify the murderer (why did he/she leave the Ramayana?!?). From this first entry, I think that your page is about to be as binge-worthy as the best crime shows! :)
Great theme on your storybook Heather! I think the design really fits, and the writing style is excellent. It's a little difficult to read sometimes, when the lined paper interacts with the words just right, but overall it looks good. I've never really watched CSI, but I've always been a huge Sherlock fan, so I'm looking forward to reading more of your storybook! I find it really interesting you chose to center on Bhishma's murder in your storybook, especially because that's a great way to tie everything together but also have the opportunity to tell multiple different stories while keeping everything on track. The single copy of the Ramayana makes me really, really curious as to what happened! Definitely bookmarking your blog to see what happens. I think a couple sentences here and there need checking out, just for general flow, but overall I didn't notice any mistakes. Well done!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your cover picture for the storybook is amazing. I love the picture of all the heroes from the Indian epics, it looks really cool and makes me want to read the actual content even more. I really love the way you set up this story so far, it's very clever to make it in the form of a journal or diary for the main character to add new experiences to every week. I thought your choice of dialogue was really clean and easy to follow. I like the tone of the writing for the journal and how it starts with "If you're reading this then I'm already dead". That really piques the reader's interest and makes them want to figure out more of what's going on. It will be interesting to see what types of villains and bad guys appear throughout this series and how the main character will deal with them. Great job so far, I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteWOW. What a start to what I can only imagine is going to be a fantastic piece of work. This had me drawn in from just the title and I can’t wait to keep reading. I love that you are writing in second person to make the reader become immediately feel involved. Starting out with a journal giving mysterious instructions was a perfect way to start the Storybook. There are so many different ways you can take this and I am so interested to see how this is going to continue and where you are going to take the readers, I think I might just bookmark this Storybook to come back to later. I literally just sat here and tried to think of anything I would change, but I have got nothing to suggest. Everything looks incredible and of high quality. Keep up the good work with your blog and Storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi, Heather!
ReplyDeleteI just opened your Storybook site and I really like it so far. The image you found for the cover page is really dynamic and interesting to look at. I feel like it definitely sets the mood for the crime-drama atmosphere that you seem to be aiming for. It kind of makes the characters seem like a super hero squad about to lay down some justice!
Your introduction is really great. It pulled me in from the very beginning and will definitely be something I return to read. The use of the diary makes the setup for the stories you're including to be intriguing and applicable to the overall project. I also like how it is inviting the reader into the story and become and active part in the investigation, rather than having it set up as a re-telling of events. It's also interesting to me because the time period and setting isn't exactly defined yet, so I feel like that allows for more imagination on the part of the reader. Overall, I think you're doing fantastically! Good luck with the rest!
Heather, you truly have a gift for creative writing! I loved the picture on your comment wall for this class! Pokemon cracks me up and that picture was perfect! Your introduction for your storybook site started off very strong. It had me hooked from the very beginning. The fact that the person is reading a diary laying out all of the details of the mysteries and crimes makes for a very intense reading. Also, it was a nice touch to make your background look like notebook paper to get the whole diary/journal feel. The fact that there is also a personal tie for the author to find their grandfather’s killer is very emotional and powerful for the reader. I cannot wait any longer to read the stories that you are going to include on your site! I think you are a fantastic writer and I cannot wait to see what stories you end up using to finish your storybook!
ReplyDeleteI have looked at your homepage and your introduction. I have to say that I am loving your story so far. I think that the homepage is great. I love the picture and also the title of your storybook is definitely interesting. After reading the introduction, I am anxious to read more. I think the background and picture fit perfectly into what you are wanting your storybook to be. I like the diary idea. It will let us get to know the writer personally by seeing what he was writing. I like the concept of having him solve crimes and continuing to work on solving his grandfather's murder. I also really like the ominous line at the beginning. The "If you are reading this it means I am dead". I am definitely going to be coming back to your story so I can figure out who the killer is and what happened.
ReplyDeleteHeather,
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! I am supposed to be commenting on your storybook page but I can't help but tell you that your layout for your comment wall is rad as heck!
Ahem, now....
I chose your page as one of my free choices simply because of the title. I really love suspenseful crime shows so it was in immediate choice for me. And I'm really glad I did because it shows you really put a lot of thought into your central theme as well as the design and layout to your page. It is very very clever! The image you used that appears when you first enter the site is very cool as well. I was anticipating you kind of making it follow a long the lines of an actual CSI episode but I like the direction you went with this. The first like was very enigmatic and makes the reader want to keep reading which is a good thing.
I can't wait to see how this turns out and I'll keep coming back to check out your progress. Great job!
Heather, I came back to read about Drona's death! Your format was really cool! I liked that you formatted the story as a CSI report. It refreshed my memory of the setting and plot of the original story. I remember reading how the elephant was named after Drona's son and how someone killed the elephant in order to trick Drona into thinking that his son was dead. I felt sad that the elephant died. Couldn't they figure out another way to deceive Drona? Moving on, I also appreciate how you solved the mystery. You linked the powerful weapon to the murderer. It's the tiny details in homicide cases that really reveal who is the person responsible. Also, thank you for making a clear and concise author's note! It explained the original story and why you chose to re-format the epic. What is the next case for the Indian CSI! I have to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Heather. I remember reading your storybook before because the title caught my attention a few weeks back. I really like your storybook because I CSI is a good theme for your storybook. This topic really interests me because I enjoy watching the show as well. I like the layout of the page and I can tell you put a lot of thinking into putting it together. I also like the pictures you used especially the one of your own hand; this makes the story more realistic. I can't wait to read more as the weeks progress. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWith regards to the introduction: I really enjoyed the introduction, it really draws the reader in because of my background with the stories I cannot wait to see how exactly accomplish what I think is your plan. I did not see any errors with regards to grammar or sentence structure. I particularly liked the paragraph breakup because it paced the reader well while reading. I was a bit confused why a journal was found at a library especially given how recent the story seems to make it, but it is not hard to overlook it.
ReplyDeleteWith regards to the story: This is much better than I was anticipating. I like the structure of the report; I may have moved more of the story to the earlier questions so that there was not so much to read towards the end of the story. I also like the picture it adds a nice touch to the story.
Hi Heather! I really like your storybook so far. The introduction is incredibly compelling and it's such a creative and original idea for a story. I really like how you place the reader directly into the action. The format for your storybook is great: very clean and easy to follow, and it helps add to the illusion of reading a journal. I also want to point out that you did an excellent job proofreading, I know in a lot of stories, including my own, little errors or typos slip by sometimes, but I didn't see anything to correct in your story. I really like the format you used in the story for Drona's death. Adding the forensic details to the beginning of the story was a really nice touch and it was great seeing how these supernatural myths can be looked at through a contemporary investigative lens. Overall, I think this is maybe my favorite storybook I've read through, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHeather! What's up?! I am doing my extra project comment also. After I read your comment, I wanted to come read your story.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, the concept with CSI is very cool. The layout of your site goes really nicely with the diary style of your storytelling. So good job on picking this design. The coverpage image sets up the stories beautifully.
The introduction is very nicely written as it tells us the background information along with what we are going to expect in the stories. Didn't find a single error in the intro, which is awesome since I make so many in my stories.
Now to the story. WOW Heather! What a beautifully written story. I loved how you combined Indian epics with CSI. The style you wrote it in was very nice. The image did an excellent job in showing us how Draupada got caught. I didn't find any error in the story either. Bravo!
Great job Heather. I will definitely come back to read your other stories.
Heather! I was excited when I saw your Storybook in my group! I remember reading your introduction and I was blown away by that one page. Now that I have the chance to come back and read the stories, I am still in awe. My roommates and I love to watch shows like Bones and CSI. This Storybook really reminds me of those shows. It could easily become its on TV show.
ReplyDeleteI can tell that you really paid attention to the details when writing your stories. The way you wrote them and described the deaths shows that you studied the stories to find those facts. Also, you have written some great Author's Notes. They explain what you were doing with the stories. Your website format is impeccable for the type of story you are writing. I look forward to what you are planning on for the rest of the Storybook!
This is a very interesting concept. The format of your introduction is good. The language that you use does a good job of replicating the tone of a lone detective. One problem I see in your introduction is in the first paragraph. You say, “You go to pick it up and turn it into the librarian.” The order of the words makes it sounds like the person has already turned the book in. Maybe say instead, “You pick it up to turn it into the librarian.” Also, it would be nice to provide a little more context for the situation. Why am I in the National Archives? Also, make sure to capitalize “National Archives” in your story. In your first story, about Drona’s death, I like how you first present the evidence and then give a report. You mention that Drona died on the “15th day of the Mahabharata war.” The name of this war is the Kurukshetra War, if you want to be more specific. Good job on your storybook so far.
ReplyDeleteI was very intrigued by your story concept. The set up was also really interesting. I didn't really like the background at first. I think I understand what you were going for. The notepad makes it look like they are taking notes, but at first I did not like it. But the background yellow is an easy color to read the black writing on, which is good. Also the font was a good size, so I didn't have to adjust the size of my screen at all. I liked the way that you told the story. I would maybe change the font and make it bold though so it isn't as thin. The picture was good addition to your story. I like that you presented the evidence and then told the story in the report. I am excited to see what else you add to your story. I will definitely back to read more! Maybe work on making your font bold. Great job though!
ReplyDeleteI had already read your introduction, so this week I read your first story, Death of Drona. I really like how you set up the story by using a crime report. The detail in the beginning of the story really made it feel like a real document of the murder. I think that the narrative also helped in setting the scene. I was able to follow the story easily and I liked how descriptive it was. I also liked how you stuck with the original story but had the detective be able to hear that he said elephant even though he still tried to cover that fact up. I also think that you did a good job on the author's note. It was well written and reminded me of how the original story went and let me know the changes that you made to the story for it to work with your storybook. Overall, I really do like your storybook so far.
ReplyDeleteHi Heather, I am commenting in regards to your storybook- CSI Indian Epics. I chose your storybook to read because of the title you gave for this project. It is very catchy, good job on it. I love watching CSI shows like Criminal Minds and I was hoping to read something exciting when I got to your page, you definitely did not disappoint me. I like your webpage and how you laid it out. It looks like an actual diary and matches your theme well. I got hooked when you mentioned that the owner of the diary is Bhisma’s son and he got in to the investigation business because he wants to find out who killed his grandfather. Your topic was creative. What made you want to narrate the storybook in a CSI setting?. I am so eager to read rest of your stories, Good luck on your project .
ReplyDeleteHey Heather! Hope you're doing well. I am back on your comment wall because I wanted to read the other story that you added for my extra project feedback assignment.
ReplyDeleteAgain, the layout and the background compliment the style of your story. The coverpage and the introduction both look great.
The second story looks really good as well, and it is written in the same style as the first one. So good job on keeping the same tone throughout. I still cannot believe how beautifully written this story is also. The way you brought Indian Myth and CSI together is amazing. Great job on bringing all the characters together and using them to reach the conclusion. The image was really good and it went really well with the story. An error I found was on the second to last paragraph, I think you meant by instead of "my". That is the only error I found in the whole story.
Again, excellent job! I will definitely come back to read the other story that you add.
Hi Heather,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is one of my faves so I'm back to comment again. I really like the layout and background of your story as it suites the subject well. the coverage and the picture looks great and the introduction was well written. I enjoyed reading the second story as well. You kept the same structure for the story as you did for the introduction. I really like how you included the CSI aspect with this story. Overall, I think you did a great job. I will be looking forward to reading more of your storybook in the future.
Woah, Heather, your storybook has really grown since the last time I visited! This week I read the Death of Drona, and I was pleasantly surprised to read how well you put together the case. The way the main character went around to test who might have killed Drona and the elephant was brilliant. High fives until someone cracks! As far as your writing, I think it fits the investigatory style really well. The flow is a little choppy, but it makes sense since it's being presented as a report, and less as a story. I appreciate how Yudhisthira tried to pull the wool over the investigator's eyes, but since his original idea was a little weak, the investigator sees right through it. Overall, I really love how you're tying everything together and making it like a real crime investigation. I also learned more about the epics and rules of war that I didn't know about before reading your story, which was a great take away! Well done!
ReplyDeleteHey Heather, your storybook project is awesome! I love the CSI theme and I think your storybook has really developed well since I last saw it. I think the layout and background is really great and relevant to your storybook. All the images you have included are great too! Your writing is great and I have not seen any spelling errors. I was very hooked on your readings and I will definitely be back for more.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work!
First off, your picture is flat out epic! I love how you added the correct font to the image to make it fit even more! For a second, I thought there was a legit CSI Indian show. I'm really interested to learn more about the person reading the book. I clicked on the storybook without realizing it was yours. I've read a bunch of your posts over the semester. I am glad I decided to read your storybook today. I was intrigued by the style of the posts. You brought in some great detail into the post. One question I had was are the murders recent in the time frame of the person who wrote the book? Is this suppose to be a modern take because you said bomb squad so that wouldn't be back when they actually took place. I was trying to figure out when they actually happened.
ReplyDeleteHey Heather!
ReplyDeleteI am really impressed at your storybook. Everything about adds to your theme – your background, images, and style. I like how your modernized your storybook by doing a CSI theme. It makes the story a little more relatable and easier to understand. Ancient stories can be hard to absorb so by modernizing it makes it a little easier to understand.
Your style of writing was really clear and concise. I liked how you formatted into a questionnaire to fit into your investigation/csi style. I also like how you chose to write the story in multiple point of views. It allows the reader to get idea of how each individual felt during the fight. It left me wanting to read more.
Your story ran really smoothly. The break between each of your paragraphs made sense. I did not notice any grammar or punctuation errors. Good job! I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hi Heather! I came back to your story book again because I really liked the first one that I read. I still love your theme for the whole story. CSI is a great story to work with. I still don't love the background but that's ok it works for you! I read about the death of Karna this time. This is such a great story and I think you did a really good job with it. I explored this story too and there is a lot to work with. I liked your font size. I did not have to adjust any setting on my computer to read your story. I did not see any grammar or spelling problems. I also thought the flow of your story was really great. Very easy to read. Great job again! I have really enjoyed reading two stories in your story book. I will definitely read more!
ReplyDeleteSince I am returning to your storybook, I read your second story, Death of Karna. I really enjoy how you incorporated this story to fit with your theme. I did not see any spelling or grammar errors so I think you did pretty well on that. I think that this story fit well with your storybook and I still really like how you have it set up like a crime record with the details on the top of the page really adding to the overall story. I like how you also have the narrative and dialogue that helps to really show what happened and people's reactions to the events. Your author's note was well written and it helped to see why you told the story the way that you did. I really like how you ended your author's note with a little hint of what is to come in the other stories. I will have to see how it ends.
ReplyDeleteWell done story. I think that the spacing for the story is well done. The transitions are all good and flowed well from one paragraph to another. Your picture represents the story well and the link works. I think that the question, “which injuries are significant” could further be explored and perhaps detailed more. I think that the investigation idea is great, but this story is challenging because it is not much of a mystery who kills who nor is it necessarily a crime. I think your accomplished your goal to tell the story from the two characters perspectives was achieved. I was able to understand Arjun’s emotions as well as see the battle from the viewpoint of Duryodhana. I agree the lore behind the stories is almost as important as the stories themselves. The curses that you place into your story really add depth that would otherwise be lost. I also like the closing to your story it encourages future reading.
ReplyDeleteHi Heather! When looking at portfolios and storybooks to chose to read this week, I was instantly drawn to yours because of the title. I am a huge CSI fan! I could seriously sit and binge watch it for hours and hours and never get bored. I love really any show like this, so I figured i would love your storybook. I was right! I loved the introduction. You really captured my attention and if I didn't already want to read the rest of the storybook, I definitely did after the introduction. What a clever idea! I have to say I'm a little jealous I did not think of it. Seeing how your project came together made me wish I had taken a little more time to pull a storybook idea together instead of just going with a portfolio. I am not nearly as creative as you seem to be! You seem like an experienced writer as I could not find any errors and you did such a good job keeping my attention on the story. I also have to compliment you on your background and format of the storybook. I have no idea how you did that, but it looks great! I am not so great with technology, so my blog is definitely lacking in the background department. Yours go perfectly with your theme! Overall, I am super impressed wih your storybook, and I look forward to coming back and reading the rest of your stories next week! Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Heather! So I'm back! I decided to revisit your project since that was what the assignment this week called for. Previously I had read your introduction and I liked it! It was very intriguing. Did I also mention your cover photo is super rad? Because it is. Well this week I read your first story, "The Death of Drona". I must point out that I enjoyed the format that you used to tell your story It makes it unique because it really brings to life you CSI theme that you were going for. The way that you made the first half of the story the questions and details that we as the reader would kind of follow to start brainstorming clues was cool. I mean we already know the outcome but it's fun none the less to solve the mystery, you could say. I think this is progressing beautifully and really hope to read more from you. Great job and good luck with the rest of you endeavors!
ReplyDeleteHi Heather! like I've said before, I really like the whole CSI theme you have for your story book. I also really like the yellow notepad background you have and I think it fits perfectly with your story book. I read your most recent story and thought you did a great job with it. It was well written and flowed easily. I like how you seperated the paragraphs and I thought it was easy to read and follow along. Your storybook is probably one of my favorites. Your idea for this storybook is ver creative. Overall I think you did a great job! I look forward to reading more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Heather, I wanted to tell you that I have enjoyed reading your stories and keeping up with you blog. Often, I would be paired with you and I have really enjoyed this semester. I hope everything is going good for you as this storm is hopefully starting to die down a little bit. Best of luck for the rest of the semester.
ReplyDeleteHey Heather,
ReplyDeleteI don’t know how, but this is the first time I have visited your storybook, and I’m very glad I did. I’m not sure how I never stumbled across it throughout the course of the semester, because I definitely would have voted for this as one of the class favorites. Since it was my first time, I only read the introduction, but it definitely blew me away. It was the name that originally drew me to the storybook. I really like how you add that modern twist, and the tv even fits perfectly with what your story is going to be about. The layout of your storybook is awesome as well. The picture on the home page is perfect. Also, I really liked how you used the yellow notebook paper as the background for the stories. Since it’s a diary, it fits perfectly with the jotting and scribbling that I imagine would take place when investigating a crime scene. Awesome job!
Hi, Heather! I cannot believe I have not seen your project this semester! This was such an interesting and creative storybook style. Your writing style is honestly gorgeous and I am so impressed with your introduction. The strategy of making the introduction a journal entry followed by the information on the different crimes was genius. The only problem I had with the story is that I did not find it earlier, so I could not follow it throughout the semester! The photos you chose were also perfect for the story and I love your layout. The notebook style works great with your crime/CSI notebook type thing and your writing style fit perfectly. I went ahead and also read the story on the death of Karna because he is one of my favorites and the way you laid out the crime report was awesome. It seemed truly authentic and I think you modernized it effectively. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis was such a great concept to work off of! I never got assigned to read your storybook, but when we had to vote last week on our favorites and we had a chance to browse the work of other students, I had the fortune of coming across your work. I like how you have your layout like a legal notepad. It gave me the impression that I was looking at case notes. I also liked how you listed the statistics of each of the characters you decided to focus on, in a way that’s also like a case. You recount each scene in grisly details it feels like I’m stumbling on to the crime scene. I like that in the story of, “The Death of Drona,” you included a photo of the injury in real life. It really sells the suspension of disbelief and gives you a sense of the mortality of some of these mythical characters.
ReplyDeleteThis was possibly the best idea for a storybook I found for the Indian Epics class this semester. That was so clever of you to use CSI as the background concept for these stories because it gives you tons of material to work off of and you don’t have to continue one long story on for the whole semester since every episode is about a new crime scene with a new plot and motive. I read the introduction at the beginning of the semester and thought you had something really great being developed, and now looking at the final product I can tell you did a very good job with this. The stories were all very well written and I like how all of the facts are quickly presented in a report-like style at the beginning, following a longer paragraph-style story that provides the reader with all of the necessary details. Well done, you did an excellent job on your storybook!
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your storybook! I think that your idea was excellent. I am looking at the Death of Bhishma story. I like how it wasn’t just death by arrows but rather death by a plethora of arrows and all these arrows covered his body, literally covered. I think that you did a good job interviewing the characters present in order to get different looks at the “murder.” I like the longer paragraphs because it feels more like a report rather than a story, which I think was your intended effect. How awful would it be for a grandson to work on the murder scene of his grandfather? I like the updated portion that your added to this story because it felt like an ongoing investigation. I think it is just my OCD, but I would have liked it if the back ground lined up with the lines from your story. I really liked your storybook good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Heather! Getting down to the last stretch of the semester and yours was one of my most memorable projects I've visited so here I am again! Previously I had read your introduction and a couple chapters after that and I really enjoyed it! It was very intriguing. Did I also mention I still think your cover photo is super rad? Because it is. Overall your concept for this project was outstanding and really creative.Is it bad that I would play the CSI theme song in my head when I started to read this? How embarrassing! Ha! The chapters flowed beautifully and it was very clear and easy to grasp. I agree with the above comment by Zach though. The lines not lining up to the text was just a small little peeve on my behalf but I'm just a weirdo. I think ended up being such a great storybook project and I salute you! Great job and good luck with the rest of your finals!
ReplyDeleteHey Heather! First off I just wanted to say great story and congratulations on making to the favorites list. Your site matches your topic perfectly. Your picture introduction was awesome. It reminded of the just league. I read the death of krishna. Your story was great. I liked how you started the reading with a basic description of krishna and where he died.It made it seem like a real episode of CSI and Law and Order. Another part of your story that I liked was that your inner monologue between the character and his self and the character and Duryodhana kept the tone of the story. It was like actual interview between a detective and a witness or victim. Just to sum it up your story was great because the way you approached your topic and how you stayed on track on it. Anyways great story, it as a pleasure to read.
ReplyDeleteHi Heather! I think this is my first time visiting your Storybook! Congrats on getting nominated for one of the favorite Storybooks- I can definitely see why. The layout and theme of your Storybook is perfect! And that image on the cover page of the Storybook website- just superb! I like how you made the Introduction a diary entry. It was very clear and descriptive as to where you are going with your Storybook. I read the story about the Death of Drona. I loved the way your stories are outlined as an actual CSI case- very descriptive and detailed, with a touch of mystery as well. If there is anything I can suggest adding, it would be dialogue, if it’s possible! Good job on your Storybook so far! I hope to be able to read some more of your work. Keep it up!
ReplyDelete